Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Chinese people are keeping secrets from us.

I have two ways of proving this:

1. I was having a nice lunch by myself at Amazing Wok this afternoon, and I noticed that a Chinese customer was eating an item that did not appear to be on the menu: a large bowl full of soup noodles, broth, stewed beef, and vegetables. A non-Chinese patron stopped the waiter and asked what the dish was, and he said it was not on the menu, but that she could order it if she wanted. He strongly cautioned her, though, that the dish was "very very spicy," obviously by way of dissuading her. Point one: there are some things the Chinese keep to themselves.

2. Have you ever tried to cook Chinese food at home? It is impossible to recreate what you find in even the most humble of Chinese restaurants, even if you have a recipe written by a Chinese person. Point two: there is something going on in Chinese kitchens that we are simply not allowed to know.

I know that simply by publishing this information I will probably wind up with long, black tinted-window Mercedes-Benz cars driving past my house at odd hours, but so be it. Someone has to defend the truth in this country. No more Chinese food for me until the Chinese fess up. I'm waiting.