Saturday, January 01, 2005

Jehovah's Witnesses

Boy do these clowns need to work on their act. I was in the kitchen taking my vitamin E this morning (I usually take it with a handful of walnuts, so the fats from the nuts help the body to digest the oligosaccharides, you can read more at VitaSource) when the doorbell rang. This really drives me crazy - I'm thinking of having it uninstalled. Anyhow, that is not the point. The point is that I opened the door and was immediately confronted by two dumpy old women who wanted to talk about "friendship." First I thought Cornelius had had them sent over, since he's probably still secretly steamed about the shooting, but their rap quickly proved to be the straight pointless bullshit.

After a little while of talking, the main woman pointed out that I was eating nuts. I don't need someone to tell me what I am eating. That really irks me. Then she launched back into her rambling half-thought-out monologue on "friendship." I mentioned that I already had friends. She smiled at this, like she was doubting me, and prattled on. I started to see red.

Although I knew they were some kind of religious whackos, I went ahead and interrupted by asking if they were affiliated with a church, just to release her from the self-imposed prison of her chain of thought. She smiled and handed me some crappy 4-color newsprint magazine called Awake! that immediately started rubbing foul ink off all over my hands. The cover story was "How to make Real Friends."

I said I would read it at my earliest convenience and wished them both a good day. They smiled like a couple of retards and trundled off. I really need to get a No Solicitors sign. Anyhow, if you want to read Awake! magazine, you can dig through my trash, except you can't, because I'll shoot you with rock salt.

Happy new year from Pat.