Tuesday, April 19, 2005


I think the MAIN problem in our town right now is the garbagemen. That's right, garbagemen, I'm not afraid to speak out against you even though you have a powerful union and could "potentially" cut off my service even though I pay your exhorbitant fees and have placed this preventative salvo into the river of public discussion. The date of this posting: April 19, 2005. 2:31PM. Google will postmark this within the hour.

Garbagemen, as everyone knows, are highly overpaid button pushers whose actual labor is done by truck-mounted hydraulic devices. In days past this may have been an honest trade (though I strongly doubt it) but these days their work is no more demanding than that of a simple receptionist. I challenge any garbageman to defend his honor and occupational dignity. He simply won't be able to. He has become lazy and complacent. He deserves a pension no more than the hamburger cooking teenager.

On my particular route, the garbagemen come around 6am. This wouldn't be so bad if their truck machinery didn't make so much noise while hoisting the various cans and recycling bins (the resultant trash-crash around the insides of the truck seems to last an eternity. I can hear every single bottle or can slide down its respective guide chute).

My current idea is to lobby the city to have garbage personnel lift all trash receptacles onto a flatbed, then transport them to an unpopulated/commercial area, where they could be dumped into a trash truck. Then the receptacles could be placed back at the corresponding properties. If the city could see how much more productive its populace would be if it wasn't rudely awakened by thugs and "noise polluters" at all hours of the morning, it might take my suggestions seriously to heart. Mine is the sort of thinking that trickles UPWARD to a Nobel Prize in economics. The broad thought, applied locally, proven, and spread out over innumerable civic programs, is where the real power lies.

I can't wait to see the look on the Nobel Prize committee's face when I refuse their political whore of a medal.