I'm going to be the next Dr. Mohid Prasham!

Don't know who Dr. Mohid Prasham is? Then you're an idiot. He's the genius behind Dr. P's Victim of a Conscience C-Food, maybe the world's best line of seafood best-stitutes. Where the vision behind "Cam's Pickled Pinto Khlams" left off, Dr. P picked up. Yes, he advised on the Phake Mushels line of hominy-based mussel best-stitutes, but his true genius (christ, why do I keep trying to type that word as "genious"?@!) lies in more complex seafood recipes. He makes a vegetal cioppino that will quite literally take the top of your head off. You never knew fennel could dance on your tongue that way. You never knew that Yukon Gold potatoes could crap all over shrimp, in the flavor category. The list of things you do not know about butter beans versus bay scallops quite frankly pisses me off.

Anyhow, I've got a recipe going that I think will be every bit as popular as anything Dr. P has created. What did I do? I took a popular meat-based dish and veganized it. That's the only way to get the message out to a wider audience. Show them that what they enjoy is wrong, and that it needs to be changed. Infiltrate. That's right, I took on the grand-daddy of them all. The Meat Mothership. I took Old Man Meatloaf to task, and I kicked his ass to the dirt. I came up with a food product that is so superior in Ethics, Earth-footprint, and production-Emissions, that I'm just trembling as I finalize the recipe.

Look for me in your eco-telligent grocery store soon. I blew the lid off the meatloaf lie, and I am applying for permits as you read this. Once you taste my CheatLoaf, that's all she wrote.