Thursday, July 22, 2004

Junk Mail.

I probably shouldn't be sharing this with everybody on Sam's green earth, but I keep a P.O. Box in addition to my regular mailing address (No, I'm not going to tell you the number!). I use it to communicate with companies that do not seem at first glance to be entirely trustworthy. Once a company proves itself to me, I often switch it over to my home mailing address.

But this isn't about trust. This is about garbage. Pure, unadulterated garbage. This is about the environment's number one scourge.Yes, if you've been following me then you already know what I'm talking about:

Junk Mail.

Who in the blue is letting advertisers get away with the volume of crap paper they push into our P.O. Boxes and home mailboxes every day? It's like, instead of looking forward to the daily post, I should just sit around and become angry when a stranger comes by to put a bunch of crap on my property. Why is junk mail not considered littering? Why is the mailman not considered a litterer? He puts crap on my property, which I do not want. He puts crap on my property which says "Resident," and clearly is not intended for me.

This gives me an idea. Tomorrow, I am going to put the mailman under citizen's arrest. Tomorrow, it is a new day for the rights of a new age. The unforgivable cycle of forest-rape and mailbox-rape shall be dealt a bellwether knell, tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.